My family always had the tradition of hosting. Unlike my sister, who relates to that memefied quote from Whoopi Goldberg (“I don’t want somebody in my house”), I chose a completely different path. If I could, there would be people in my house every week.
Apart from traditions that I’ll link to my DNA, my deep desire - and immense pleasure - in hosting, comes from the loneliness I felt during my first years living in the United States. Being a foreigner with a slight accent might seem chic for some, but our inner turmoil is far from glamorous. Abandoning your place of birth and the comfort of a pre-existing social sphere, makes you either put in extra effort in your social relationships when you go abroad, or completely isolate yourself. The happiness of being abroad, for a foreigner, comes at an immense and invisible cost of being torn apart between two different worlds and parts of yourself. The past and the present co-existing, yet wrestling with each other and trying to make sense of this new world. Hosting, to me, is a comforting way to confirm I have made the right choices in life.
I host because my grandfather and my New Yorker grandmother, who moved to the middle of the Amazon forest for love (a story for another time), Saul and Rosalie, always had an open-door policy at their house. They loved a party. They loved life. They always welcomed all of their friends from all over the world, family, acquaintances, and so many others into their eccentric home. It didn't matter the occasion, my grandparent's house was a gathering place. Whether it was for my grandfather's 70th birthday - Brazilian barbecue style - or for Passover - my grandmother's favorite holiday - which included my 50-person family's notion of an intimate gathering, they were always surrounded by people.
How To Host - According to Rachel
I host at least once a month: Intimate dinners, birthday parties, Spring Brunches, Drinks & Desserts, Pizza & Natural Wine Night, Oscar's Nights, and other “themes”. Hosting, to me, is as intrinsic as getting dressed. You choose a theme/idea and you go from there, adding layers, accessorizing it, and suddenly when everything comes together, it just feels as marvelous as crafting the perfect outfit.
Let's take my latest hosting endeavor which was Spring Brunch.
1 - Hosting requires strategic planning - here are a few questions to ask when organizing an event:
Time of the event?
Date of the event?
What will be the theme?
How much do I want to spend?
How many people will I invite?
Is it a dinner party or a large gathering?
What will I serve?
2 - After you've answered all of these questions you will have a better notion of your event. Making this “guiding” list allows you to manage the expectations around it as well. Then, you can send out invitations, preferably a week or two in advance - don't forget to include the RSVP mention, otherwise you'll lose control of who will be attending.
3 - You will make a list of what is needed. Here's a peek of my Spring Brunch list, taken from my Notes app.
Drinks:
Coffee (essential?)
Iced tea (rose petals, mint, and jasmine blend)
Mimosas (yuzu and guava) - will need champagne
Food:
10 assorted pastries - from Librae
Homemade green salad with chicken, pine nuts, mint, and some other interesting vegetables
Homemade shallots, goat cheese, and herbed tarte tatin
Homemade brie and raspberry tarte - this one is easy
Greek Dips with a toasted baguette from Breads Bakery
+ Guests bringing babka, chocolate croissants, and other things
Other items:
Green tablecloth - very spring!
Light green napkins (same color as the tablecloth)
Paper/Plastic/Recycled paper plates and silverware - the recycled ones match more of the vibes
6 big flower bouquets - to be spread around the house in vases; anything light pink, yellow, purple, and green is acceptable
Clear Plastic Cups
The Guest List - According to Rachel
For intimate dinner parties, the crowd is never fixed. I always invite 5 different people. However, I not only have to think about seating arrangements, but I do have to think about who I will ask to come. Choosing the invitees is important in a dinner setting because the conversation must go on. It's like that Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where everyone is arguing about who should be placed in the middle seat. The middle seat is always reserved for the people who prolong the longevity of the conversation. I also have to think about the invitee’s interests and how well they would mingle with whoever else I am inviting. It's a class on group dynamics.
For cocktail parties and larger events, I invite around 20-25 people and they only need one common denominator: being my friend. In this case, since I am not serving dinner but small bites and drinks, I don't have to worry about where people are seating. My only job is to make sure people are chatting amongst each other and if they have something to drink.
Guests pt. II - According to Rachel
Good manners always go a long way. It's strange how different generations see manners in general. Some see it as elitist societal constructions, but I find them to be a way of showing gratitude. Being invited into someone's home shouldn't be taken for granted. In my opinion, a home is a glimpse into someone's self - you can truly understand one's personality by their decoration choices, for example. Being invited into someone's house is like being invited to look into someone's heart!
Rules of thumb to me are the following:
Don't bring a +1 unannounced.
RSVP on time.
Ask the host if they require you to take off shoes.
Don't come empty-handed.
That's why we've made a ‘What To Bring As a Dinner Guest’ post - in order to help people find a small ‘thank you’ gift for the host, that better suits one's taste and budget!
Last Minute Cancellations - According to Rachel
Even though last-minute cancellations are a common disruption, you shouldn't let them kill the joy of your event happening at present. My rule of thumb is to always give people the benefit of the doubt. Inconveniences happen. Be patient and understanding. Even if you are a little annoyed - because we all are - instead of breeding disappointment, focus on what matters: the present.
Leave your phone on do not disturb, and enjoy your party. Focus on the people who showed up!
Now that you've caught a glimpse of my formulaic approach to hosting, I will tell you a very personal reason as to why I host.
I host because I love life.
The more time passes and I mature, I realize how this is my way of showing love to others. Hosting is incredibly laborious, but so is everything else in life. Yet, it is truly a labor of love. I love making people feel like they can relax and be themselves around me. I like the idea of having my guests take off their shoes, get themselves a glass of natural wine, and talk non-stop to each other. The feeling of making people feel comfortable in a space that is so private and intimate to me, has immense value. I feel as if my energy, and consequently, the energy of my space, feels welcoming enough for people to let loose in a world filled with performances.
I like to think my hosting capabilities are a translation of love that transcends my language barrier. It's my way of showing love to my community. It pays off after a long day of hosting, seeing the smiles on people's faces when they are talking to someone you wouldn't think they'd cross paths with. It also makes me happy going to sleep reading thank you messages and people saying they had a great time, even if I am taking empty bottles of wine and taking them to the trash bin's recycling room at the end of the night.
I hope I have convinced you to host sometime too.